She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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