you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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