if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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