Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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