i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
