Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
