you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
