im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
