im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize