I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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