Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
