The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
