I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
