This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
