I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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