the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
