At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
