that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
