I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
