It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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