in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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