I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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