Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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