my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize