oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize