Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
