Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize