So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
