It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
