What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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