Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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