I will die if light touches me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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