there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
