Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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