it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
