Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
