If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
