I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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