I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
