I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
