Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i love accidental penises.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
should my penis look like a turkey
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
