Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
