so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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