Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
