We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
