you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
