you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
