I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
