you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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