hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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