He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
