Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
