I cannot find my penis.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize