Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He shit in the fireplace
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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