There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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