is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
