I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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