Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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