the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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