why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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