You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
