I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
