Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize