My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Terrible idea I love it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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