You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
