Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This is my gift to your gina
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
