At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
