What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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