Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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