did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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