I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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